At a holiday club meeting a couple of weeks ago, one of the volunteers got really annoyed because the club would be running at the same time as her group (it also meets in the church) and she hadn’t been told about this. She was adamant that her group couldn’t be moved (even though it was still 3 months until the club).
Three weeks ago my wife went to speak to someone else in the church who had wronged her. the person got very defensive and started hurling insults.
At the Youthwork Summit in London on Saturday, Professor William Struthers talked about pornography. He stated that people who turn to pornography are trying to fill an area of intimacy that is currently not been fulfilled.
This is always about that. We do not act in a vacuum. Our actions are always linked to something. The issue staring at you is often not the real issue. There is always something else. This is always about that.
The volunteer was annoyed because for years her group has not been recognized by the leaders in the church. She got angry, not because of us, but because of years of hurt. This ‘issue’ is actually about that ‘issue’.
The person who went off the handle at my wife wasn’t annoyed at my wife. They were annoyed that someone had told my wife what they had done. Their issue was not about the fact that my wife came to speak to them. It was that someone had told my wife. This is always about that.
Pornography is not the issue. It’s about what has led someone to it that is the issue.
Behind ever action is a reason; a story; a life.
Sometimes we see the action and ask: “why are they reacting like that?” “Why are they over-reacting?”
Because all we sometimes see is the action, the conclusion. More often than not, we do not see what has led up to this. We try to solve the issue. But the issue we are trying to solve isn’t really the issue. It’s the issue behind the issue that we need to look.
We need to take a step back and realise that