The Christian Atheist

Sometimes I doubt.

Sometimes I wonder where God is.

It’s not that I don’t believe He exists. I’ve had to many experiences of the mysterious and the miraculous to doubt the existence of God.

It’s just sometimes… He seems absent.

Sometimes I experience the absence of God.

I guess it’s like when you have a party or something and one of your friends doesn’t show up. You experience the absence of your friend. You feel the lack of presence of your friend.

Sometimes I feel that about God.

But then I attend a church service or youth event and it’s all about certainty. There doesn’t seem any room for doubt. Any room to discuss the experience of absence.

“God exists. Here’s what he’s saying. Here’s what you need to do. End”

We sing about this certainty. We hear about this certainty.

But sometimes I’m not certain. And that’s okay. It shouldn’t be a dirty secret.

Peter Rollins suggests that on the cross, Jesus experiences this absence of God. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

It’s not that Jesus thinks God doesn’t exist. It’s the fact he’s experiences the absence of God for the first time.

It makes me wonder what a service or youth event that embraced doubt and the experience of it would look like?

What would a worship song that embraced doubt and the experience of it sound like?

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One response

  1. Couldn’t agree more. Certainty about God seems to me to be dishonest. I believe in God with all my heart, most days. And I think what you have talked about is the experience most people have.

    You asked what a worship song would sound like? That’s where my liking for U2 comes from. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, Grace, 40… songs of God and doubt and life and hope and faith… but not certainty.

    I think that the opposite of faith is certainty.

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